We certainly don’t expect to fall in love with our partner the moment we meet them. You might feel like they could be the one, but you are certainly not in love at first sight. Feelings grow over time, through conversations, shared experiences, dates, and that slow realisation that they fit us, much like a glove. So why do we expect unconditional love for our baby the moment they are placed on our chest in the delivery room?
For many parents, this does happen but for others, especially when who’ve just been through the physical and emotional marathon of labour, the first feelings might be exhaustion, fear, numbness, or even complete shock. It’s completely normal. It’s biology, and it’s reality.
Love often grows over days and weeks. It deepens during the quiet of the night feeds, the skin-to-skin bonding naps, and every time your baby wraps their fingers around yours. It’s not always a thunderbolt. Sometimes it’s a slow burn.
And About “Motherly Instincts”…
Yes, we do have instincts, but they are not always strong from birth, again, they develop with time as your baby grows, as you start to understand your baby through building a relationship. The idea that the moment your baby arrives, you’ll magically know what to do, that you’re blessed with maternal instincts at birth, well, it’s just unrealistic.
I’m not saying not to trust your instincts, you must always trust your gut! It’s about understanding your new baby, their behaviour and responses.
Let me reframe that: “Parenting is like learning a new language. You don’t become fluent overnight. You need time, practice, and sometimes a good translator!” (Enter Charmian Mead!) All with no sleep, hormones flying around, and a tiny human who doesn’t speak the same language.
A mother’s maternal instinct is built from experience and daily successes with a calm, thriving baby, but sometimes a mother’s instincts can actually be misleading. For example, a baby’s cry could mean a number of things or none at all. You might find yourself rocking endlessly, cluster feeding, or shushing your baby at every peep, which might not be what they need. It’s about learning on the job until you work out what your baby needs.
So Let’s Drop the Pressure
You’re feeling completely normal. It’s OK if you’re not staring at your baby with hearts in your eyes every second. You’re not failing if you feel more confused than connected in the early days. You’re becoming a parent, and that journey looks different for everyone.
Don’t forget, it’s OK to ask for help. There is expert help out there. Much like getting a personal trainer to teach you technique in the gym, baby coaches like myself can explain away so many concerns and iron out complications.
Let’s normalise growing into love.
Let’s normalise needing help.
Let’s normalise learning, trying, getting it wrong, and trying again.
Because that, right there, is what makes you a brilliant parent, not perfection, not fireworks. Just you, showing up, doing your best, and loving that little person more and more each day.
For one-to-one personalised support, I’m always here to help!
